The Green Knight, I forgot about him, reading it, I remembered the scene. Or think I do, no, I am sure I have seen it. I think Jung says it best: who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes. Looking inside is the chopping block for dreams. Distracting dreams. And there are so many of them!
"I remember the moment so clearly. Sitting at the table, opening a word document, and thirty minutes later, looking up to realize I wasn’t writing. I was playing Cuphead."
It's a good game! After a lifetime of AD&D, Board and Computer Games, 20 years working in the game industry, I could say games are a waste of time and I should have studied math or something useful, quantum physics, I still could, but no, another "dream". I haven't touched any game for over 12 months now, I didn't even try the D4 Beta (I did preorder, though).
In the end, we can allow ourselves some distractions as long as we do not lose focus. You found your focus and created something others can enjoy. That is in One Word: Priceless.
I really, really loved this: "In the end, we can allow ourselves some distractions as long as we do not lose focus."
That hits home for me. I find your perspective refreshing because of your experience on both sides of the game industry. I know you keep that personal history hush hush, but I'd love to read more sometime. Especially since you worked in what I'd consider the golden era.
I've been reading some of the negative press around the microtransactions in D4, the unfolding stories surrounding Kotick, and it's... a bummer. Because D4 is a great game, it might be the best Diablo and ARPG ever made, but you can't deny that Blizzard is no longer what it once was. And that damages the experience somehow.
Truthfully, a lot of the big companies are no longer paragons of joy - they're all getting a little dirtier every year - and it makes me wonder if I'll let my kids enjoy games as freely as my parents once let me.
Thanks, Taegan. It's not that I keep my professional history hush-hush, personally, I thought it inconsequential for the Substack and of no interest for my readers but maybe I am wrong and I should do a deep dive into my gaming history, which is vast.
The "golden era" for me would have been the 80s. Joining Blizzard in 2004 was a dream come true, though but as with everything, once you are on the other side, the grass is suddenly not all that green anymore.
You are quite right about the "state of the game industry" and the games of today vs the past. The SAAS principle, the end-to-end, the profit, no longer are games only games. Interplay had a great slogan "BY Gamers FOR Gamers". Fallout is one of my all-time favourite games. I have an anecdote on that one, a (physical) letter exchange which I will save for some other time.
Will our kids enjoy the games as we did? No. Should we let them play whatever? No. Then again, each parent has to make that decision for themselves. One thing is for certain, most games today are designed to get you to spend more money and I don't like it. In order to preserve the true spirit of what a good game should be, we maybe need a sort of gaming test (like a driver's test). Play Zork. Play Grim Fandango. Play a SHMUPS. What's a SHMUPS? Failed.
D4: I will spend 0 on the cosmetics shop. Its mere presence turns me off. I won't go into details here since we could have a page-long discussion on the topic. Maybe we should...
The more I read, the more I realise we have in common.
There's a fair bit to unpack here, but I'm going to try. Unfortunately, I'm having something of a detox from coffee for a bit, and it's 12pm and I'm meant to be working (reading this post is mort important though) so perhaps this comment will be more grounded in reality than usual 😅
Fantastic synopsis and review of The Green Knight. I was very drawn to that film. There's something about the direction and cinematography that captured me from the get-go. It's an unusual film and at the surface it probably isn't for everyone. But I found myself thinking about it long after the credits rolled. I'd really like to return to it, so reading your post is a good reason to go do so. A few months ago I read "The Buried Giant". I think it's the closest that the feel of a book has come to capturing the feel of that film.
On games: I've gone through phases of this. Growing up in the 80s with my brother, games were and remain central to our being. I still exchange daily messages with my brother about games we're playing or that are on the horizon. It's an important medium to me, but it's one that carries stigma. I have hidden my fascination and love of games at times, which seems so silly when I really think about it. You don't hide from saying you read books, so why with games? I think it's because there's a large spectrum is what games are and what they are used for. The notion of "a gamer" does not conjure up what games are as a medium. I love narrative-driven games, indie games, games with compelling storylines, beautiful worlds to explore, fascinating puzzles to solve. They're an escape, but therein lies some of the issue. They can be too easy an escape. I've lost hours of my life to certain games and whilst some of those have been incredible experiences, some I have had to actively look at myself and ask "wtf am I doing with my time?" So I get and fully respect your decision around it, but I also feel that it's OK to enjoy games so long as there is a reason and a sense of control. I'm knee-deep in adoring the latest Zelda game (it's possible it could clinch the top spot of my favourite game ever...), but I have to respect that my mornings remain when I want to commit to writing. That's my writing time. I'm not going to allow myself "just a quick session". But there would have been a time when I would have taken that perhaps easier path. Ditto with work, my wife and other home commitments; those come first. I think as I've aged, I've only found I can truly relax and allow myself some gaming time when I know I have essentially done the things I need to do that were pressing and a priority. If anything, that's made me enjoy games more so. The same with reading. I'll allocate specific time to read because I know how much it fulfils me, but that is sometimes hard to manage with so many other things I want to be doing.
I've written too much, sorry. Long ramble. I hope there's some sense of meaning there. I guess I just wanted to convey that I feel and have felt what you're feeling, but I think it's possible to manage it. Time is precious and ever more precious as we get older (there's no daughter, no Dada for me, not yet anyway), so fill it with the things that bring you value. Books can do that. Games can do that, too.
Apologies for the delayed reply! I wanted to be in the right head space and have enough time to properly address this comment. The last two weeks of the month, I can't really fit in comments - the new word gets too demanding of me. Also, the word I'm working on now feels, in some ways, to be a continuation of Green, so I needed to re-read it and let the ideas brew.
What I really enjoy about your comments on older pieces is that it gets me to go back and reconsider my state of mind and goals four, five months back. It's amazing how much has changed with this project, and sometimes I miss the months where the main goal was writing and writing only. So thank you for that.
I appreciate your thoughts on video games. A lot of what you said resonates with me. Some of the most unbridled joy I've had in my life has come from games, especially as a child: Final Fantasy 7, World of Warcraft, Metal Gear Solid. I still enjoy games. I'm playing Diablo 4 right now and having a blast. But just like you, it comes in a distant last to family, One Word, and work. Before I took a break from games, that wouldn't have been possible. Now, I realize my main issue as a young man wasn't video games, but self control.
When I wrote Green, I was still in shock that I could fall back on a promise that seemed, for years, to be central to who I was. Video games filled a position - I needed something to sacrifice in order to grow - but the lesson was more about how sometimes breaking a promise can reveal more about yourself than keeping one.
And thank you for the encouragement. But at the time of Green, what I was truly realizing is that I'm not a novelist. This is the one thing I failed to really get across with this piece. I'm not sure I really knew it myself. When I let games back into my life (Elden Ring was the game that stole me back, by the way!), I also accepted that I was not a novelist or fiction writer. That decision lead to One Word, because it allowed me to explore non-fiction, which I had never taken seriously.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read and let me know your thoughts. I appreciate it so much.
No need to apologise at all, I can understand how it likely gets v demanding. (Probably going to be many more comments for you to be keeping up with now, too 😃) I don't want to put any burden on you if you find me writing mini-essay comments, so don't ever feel you have to respond ;)
That's a really interesting piece of info there about your thoughts on writing as a novelist. I'm not sure I'd caught that before, other than perhaps a comment you made elsewhere (possibly on Notes), but that's some great context and even more so when thinking about the evolution of One Word since Green.
I'm glad you let some games back into your life. Elden Ring was my first foray into a Souls game and it was so so so-so good. A big time-sink, though, but such an incredible world and cryptic story. D4 tempts me too (grew up on D1 and D2 and LAN parties!) but that'll be after Tears of the Kingdom is done, so probably 2024 haha.
Looking forward to the next Word, whatever that may be. 🤗
I loved this one. Wow. My son’s favorite color is green. He’ll probably change it next year though. Hehe
I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed the film The Green Knight. It is so epic in a quiet kind of way, and it definitely deserves a rewatch from me. You gave me a new perspective on the events of this story, and for that, as well as your thoughtful and intelligent writing, I sincerely thank you good sir. This was an amazing read.
That means a lot Christian. Thank you for your kind words. The Green Knight is such a special film. Especially the ending, which was something I thought about for months after watching. Glad this one resonated with you
Agreed, Christian. I loved the film because of its texture, pace and visuals, but the nature of the fable requires a rewatch. I love the summary that Taegan has given, along with the surrounding context.
Writing is like football. While ultimately you love to score touchdowns, the real objective is to gain ten yards. Getting the first down enables you to survive, to move to the next step. The joy of writing is "one word".
I'm late to the party here, but am glad that I'm going back to complete the, so far, collected works of One Word. I really enjoyed how you started this in a very powerful way, talking about your dad, and surprised me by pivoting to a movie review and your relationship with games. This essay made me write a whole little bit about my relationship to video games.
I too have spent many many hours of my life playing video games. At times they were a conduit to connect me with my brother, my grandfather, and friends. And also at times they were an escape from things I didn't want to deal with. I too stopped playing video games, telling myself it was not a serious pursuit. But of course that all or nothing perspective misses the truth, which is that we live in a world where binary rules inevitably break under the complex pressure of life.
The Green Knight, I forgot about him, reading it, I remembered the scene. Or think I do, no, I am sure I have seen it. I think Jung says it best: who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes. Looking inside is the chopping block for dreams. Distracting dreams. And there are so many of them!
"I remember the moment so clearly. Sitting at the table, opening a word document, and thirty minutes later, looking up to realize I wasn’t writing. I was playing Cuphead."
It's a good game! After a lifetime of AD&D, Board and Computer Games, 20 years working in the game industry, I could say games are a waste of time and I should have studied math or something useful, quantum physics, I still could, but no, another "dream". I haven't touched any game for over 12 months now, I didn't even try the D4 Beta (I did preorder, though).
In the end, we can allow ourselves some distractions as long as we do not lose focus. You found your focus and created something others can enjoy. That is in One Word: Priceless.
Hey Alexander,
I really, really loved this: "In the end, we can allow ourselves some distractions as long as we do not lose focus."
That hits home for me. I find your perspective refreshing because of your experience on both sides of the game industry. I know you keep that personal history hush hush, but I'd love to read more sometime. Especially since you worked in what I'd consider the golden era.
I've been reading some of the negative press around the microtransactions in D4, the unfolding stories surrounding Kotick, and it's... a bummer. Because D4 is a great game, it might be the best Diablo and ARPG ever made, but you can't deny that Blizzard is no longer what it once was. And that damages the experience somehow.
Truthfully, a lot of the big companies are no longer paragons of joy - they're all getting a little dirtier every year - and it makes me wonder if I'll let my kids enjoy games as freely as my parents once let me.
Thanks, Taegan. It's not that I keep my professional history hush-hush, personally, I thought it inconsequential for the Substack and of no interest for my readers but maybe I am wrong and I should do a deep dive into my gaming history, which is vast.
The "golden era" for me would have been the 80s. Joining Blizzard in 2004 was a dream come true, though but as with everything, once you are on the other side, the grass is suddenly not all that green anymore.
You are quite right about the "state of the game industry" and the games of today vs the past. The SAAS principle, the end-to-end, the profit, no longer are games only games. Interplay had a great slogan "BY Gamers FOR Gamers". Fallout is one of my all-time favourite games. I have an anecdote on that one, a (physical) letter exchange which I will save for some other time.
Will our kids enjoy the games as we did? No. Should we let them play whatever? No. Then again, each parent has to make that decision for themselves. One thing is for certain, most games today are designed to get you to spend more money and I don't like it. In order to preserve the true spirit of what a good game should be, we maybe need a sort of gaming test (like a driver's test). Play Zork. Play Grim Fandango. Play a SHMUPS. What's a SHMUPS? Failed.
D4: I will spend 0 on the cosmetics shop. Its mere presence turns me off. I won't go into details here since we could have a page-long discussion on the topic. Maybe we should...
The more I read, the more I realise we have in common.
There's a fair bit to unpack here, but I'm going to try. Unfortunately, I'm having something of a detox from coffee for a bit, and it's 12pm and I'm meant to be working (reading this post is mort important though) so perhaps this comment will be more grounded in reality than usual 😅
Fantastic synopsis and review of The Green Knight. I was very drawn to that film. There's something about the direction and cinematography that captured me from the get-go. It's an unusual film and at the surface it probably isn't for everyone. But I found myself thinking about it long after the credits rolled. I'd really like to return to it, so reading your post is a good reason to go do so. A few months ago I read "The Buried Giant". I think it's the closest that the feel of a book has come to capturing the feel of that film.
On games: I've gone through phases of this. Growing up in the 80s with my brother, games were and remain central to our being. I still exchange daily messages with my brother about games we're playing or that are on the horizon. It's an important medium to me, but it's one that carries stigma. I have hidden my fascination and love of games at times, which seems so silly when I really think about it. You don't hide from saying you read books, so why with games? I think it's because there's a large spectrum is what games are and what they are used for. The notion of "a gamer" does not conjure up what games are as a medium. I love narrative-driven games, indie games, games with compelling storylines, beautiful worlds to explore, fascinating puzzles to solve. They're an escape, but therein lies some of the issue. They can be too easy an escape. I've lost hours of my life to certain games and whilst some of those have been incredible experiences, some I have had to actively look at myself and ask "wtf am I doing with my time?" So I get and fully respect your decision around it, but I also feel that it's OK to enjoy games so long as there is a reason and a sense of control. I'm knee-deep in adoring the latest Zelda game (it's possible it could clinch the top spot of my favourite game ever...), but I have to respect that my mornings remain when I want to commit to writing. That's my writing time. I'm not going to allow myself "just a quick session". But there would have been a time when I would have taken that perhaps easier path. Ditto with work, my wife and other home commitments; those come first. I think as I've aged, I've only found I can truly relax and allow myself some gaming time when I know I have essentially done the things I need to do that were pressing and a priority. If anything, that's made me enjoy games more so. The same with reading. I'll allocate specific time to read because I know how much it fulfils me, but that is sometimes hard to manage with so many other things I want to be doing.
I've written too much, sorry. Long ramble. I hope there's some sense of meaning there. I guess I just wanted to convey that I feel and have felt what you're feeling, but I think it's possible to manage it. Time is precious and ever more precious as we get older (there's no daughter, no Dada for me, not yet anyway), so fill it with the things that bring you value. Books can do that. Games can do that, too.
Hey Nathan,
Apologies for the delayed reply! I wanted to be in the right head space and have enough time to properly address this comment. The last two weeks of the month, I can't really fit in comments - the new word gets too demanding of me. Also, the word I'm working on now feels, in some ways, to be a continuation of Green, so I needed to re-read it and let the ideas brew.
What I really enjoy about your comments on older pieces is that it gets me to go back and reconsider my state of mind and goals four, five months back. It's amazing how much has changed with this project, and sometimes I miss the months where the main goal was writing and writing only. So thank you for that.
I appreciate your thoughts on video games. A lot of what you said resonates with me. Some of the most unbridled joy I've had in my life has come from games, especially as a child: Final Fantasy 7, World of Warcraft, Metal Gear Solid. I still enjoy games. I'm playing Diablo 4 right now and having a blast. But just like you, it comes in a distant last to family, One Word, and work. Before I took a break from games, that wouldn't have been possible. Now, I realize my main issue as a young man wasn't video games, but self control.
When I wrote Green, I was still in shock that I could fall back on a promise that seemed, for years, to be central to who I was. Video games filled a position - I needed something to sacrifice in order to grow - but the lesson was more about how sometimes breaking a promise can reveal more about yourself than keeping one.
And thank you for the encouragement. But at the time of Green, what I was truly realizing is that I'm not a novelist. This is the one thing I failed to really get across with this piece. I'm not sure I really knew it myself. When I let games back into my life (Elden Ring was the game that stole me back, by the way!), I also accepted that I was not a novelist or fiction writer. That decision lead to One Word, because it allowed me to explore non-fiction, which I had never taken seriously.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read and let me know your thoughts. I appreciate it so much.
No need to apologise at all, I can understand how it likely gets v demanding. (Probably going to be many more comments for you to be keeping up with now, too 😃) I don't want to put any burden on you if you find me writing mini-essay comments, so don't ever feel you have to respond ;)
That's a really interesting piece of info there about your thoughts on writing as a novelist. I'm not sure I'd caught that before, other than perhaps a comment you made elsewhere (possibly on Notes), but that's some great context and even more so when thinking about the evolution of One Word since Green.
I'm glad you let some games back into your life. Elden Ring was my first foray into a Souls game and it was so so so-so good. A big time-sink, though, but such an incredible world and cryptic story. D4 tempts me too (grew up on D1 and D2 and LAN parties!) but that'll be after Tears of the Kingdom is done, so probably 2024 haha.
Looking forward to the next Word, whatever that may be. 🤗
One more thing I forgot to say.
You *are* a writer Taegan. You write with skill and craft and scrolling through your Substack it's so easy to see how much you're honing that.
I loved this one. Wow. My son’s favorite color is green. He’ll probably change it next year though. Hehe
I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed the film The Green Knight. It is so epic in a quiet kind of way, and it definitely deserves a rewatch from me. You gave me a new perspective on the events of this story, and for that, as well as your thoughtful and intelligent writing, I sincerely thank you good sir. This was an amazing read.
*applause*
That means a lot Christian. Thank you for your kind words. The Green Knight is such a special film. Especially the ending, which was something I thought about for months after watching. Glad this one resonated with you
It definitely did.
I didn’t know that the original poem ended like that. That’s very cool. I enjoyed the movie ending, and so did my brother who took me to see it.
Taegan, are you Canadian?
I am! From Ontario.
Way cool. I have a good friend from Lethbridge, Alberta!
Nice! Where abouts are you from?
I’m from Vancouver, WA USA. I grew up there, and I miss it a lot.
Agreed, Christian. I loved the film because of its texture, pace and visuals, but the nature of the fable requires a rewatch. I love the summary that Taegan has given, along with the surrounding context.
Writing is like football. While ultimately you love to score touchdowns, the real objective is to gain ten yards. Getting the first down enables you to survive, to move to the next step. The joy of writing is "one word".
Great analogy Eric!
I'm late to the party here, but am glad that I'm going back to complete the, so far, collected works of One Word. I really enjoyed how you started this in a very powerful way, talking about your dad, and surprised me by pivoting to a movie review and your relationship with games. This essay made me write a whole little bit about my relationship to video games.
I too have spent many many hours of my life playing video games. At times they were a conduit to connect me with my brother, my grandfather, and friends. And also at times they were an escape from things I didn't want to deal with. I too stopped playing video games, telling myself it was not a serious pursuit. But of course that all or nothing perspective misses the truth, which is that we live in a world where binary rules inevitably break under the complex pressure of life.